azngodluva's Xanga

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:59:07 GMT

Testing out the lenses for my Kodak Zi8. I'm pretty happy for the most part. Telephoto lens were a little disappointing, but I guess it could be used for effect. I love the fish-eye and the macro though.

Facebook embedding quality sucks. Better to watch the HD on Facebook if you want.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:32:46 GMT

On a bleh note: I woke up a little sick, called in sick and got more sick. Still drinking/gurgling water with salt, garlic and vinegar. I actually kinda like it though. haha.. but yeah, it's that time again when my throat hurts and I'm almost positive it means I have an ear infection. It's this weather, man...

On a good note: I wrote a song. One of the better ones out of all my more than mediocre ones, I think. But it's late so we'll see if I think the same tomorrow.

On a happy note: My brother and I surprised our parents with their Christmas present early. We got them the new 21.5" iMac.

My mom's having a blast playing with it and trying to learn how to use it. My dad totally missed it. He walked right by it, stopped and looked at it, and walked to the bathroom. Came back out looking at it wondering why we're all smiling and laughing and he picks up the Magic Mouse thinking that's what's causing all the commotion. He thought we got an iPhone or something. We give him another minute or two to finally realize there's also a new Apple keyboard and an iMac RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM!! He goes.. "OHHH!!! Is that Apple??? HA HA HA HA HA..." and explains how all he noticed out of the ordinary was the Magic Mouse thinking it was an iPhone and pats my bro and me on the back and shoulders saying, "Ohhh thank you! Thank you! Ha ha ha... thank you." LOL!

Btw, I LOVE the Magic Mouse. I want to buy an iMac for myself now just so I can use one.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:54:37 GMT

Tired. When am I not tired? Blah...

Friday, December 04, 2009

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:05:50 GMT

When I'm in la la land.. I dream about stupid silly stuff like... getting a song written about me. lol.. How awesome would that be though? To be someone's inspiration? Haha, I don't care if I'm not mentioned by name or if I'm mentioned because I only stood out due to my weirdness or whatever as a fan. hahahaha.. I'm so stupid.

ANYHOO...

This has been the fastest work week and probably the best work week I've had all year.. or ever for that matter!

Monday: Continued decorating our department from last Wednesday before the T-day break.
Tuesday: Christmas tree lighting ceremony in the morning. Department Christmas party in the afternoon.
Wednesday: Used my last personal day to go see Brandi Carlile and band at Borders (Columbus Circle). Picked up Vicky around St. Marks and had.. supper(?) at Mitsuwa.
Thursday: Christmas tree decorating contest judging in the morning. In the afternoon we all walked around the building with Christmas treat bags (it was like trick-or-treating!) checking out other departments' trees, having snacks, taking snacks, drinking hot cider, hot chocolate, having fake snowball fights with marshmallows and cotton balls, taking pictures and videos of the dressed up carolers singing in costume, and various brass quartets scattered throughout the building playing Christmas songs.
Friday: Left over goodies and cupcakes to munch on. Practically no work to do. I'm on Facebook and writing on Xanga. lol..

Total number of hours actually worked all week so far? Maybe an hour.. if even that. lol.. it's not like I'm trying to not do any work either. I keep asking my boss if there's anything I can do and she just goes... "Uhh... not right now..." Although today was a little better. She was like "Uhh... not really. Oh.. well.. maybe you can just back Good News [(one of our monthly publications)] up." So that's something, but truth be told... I already backed up what she told me to back up everything up till the current issue. LOL

And then...
Next Thursday: Territorial headquarters Christmas party.
Next Friday: Program section Christmas party.

The only sad thing is.. all the Christmas-y stuff is happening so early that the closer we get to December 25th.. it won't be as... well.. Christmas-y. I don't know why they do that. I think maybe it's because most of the higher ranking officers and cabinet members will probably be on vacation by then so they make it earlier. Oh well... :T

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 14:51:26 GMT

I feel like there's a fork in the road ahead.

I could stay here, try to move forward here, go to school here, finish school, and keep doing what I'm doing, which isn't much. And just hope for something to happen, for life to progress.

OR

I could go to school somewhere else, find a job and see where that leads. It'll eventually be another fork in the road and I'll need to decide if I'll make a life for myself wherever it is I end up, or come back here to either start over or pick up where I left off.

To be honest, "here" sometimes feels like a dead end. I've hit a wall and I can't seem to get over it. It's like I'm in a hamster wheel... running, but not really going anywhere.

I want to end up back home though to settle down. Of that I'm pretty sure. But who knows what will really happen. I'm probably just daydreaming again.

The only thing that is really keeping me from committing to leaving indefinitely is the fact that.. I feel like I'm going to grow old while I'm away. I'll come back here when I'm in my late twenties. Not that I'm anywhere near my goal, but the latest I ever wanted to ideally get married is 27. If I leave that will be very even more unlikely. Unless... I meet someone while I'm away and they are willing to move back to NJ/NY with me. lol

Ahh... I hate thinking about the future, but days like today I feel the pressure to.

Perhaps I'll have to resort to a pros and cons list. I've never done that before. I have a feeling it might not work though. 'Cause even if it does, it doesn't mean I'll follow through with the results.

Man, even if I did decide to go somewhere else for school though... I don't know where I would go. I've been looking all over the country. Maybe I'll go to Nashville. hehe... I would go to Seattle, but I don't know how good the schools are there for graphic design. California's a definite possibility I guess, but for some reason I wouldn't want to go there. I feel like there's some kind of social pressure that goes along with living there for some reason. Then there's Florida.. but it might be too hot for me. Then there's also Chicago.. but I just imagine the stereotypical windiness (I can't stand wind) and for some reason I imagine an empty town on weekends or even just after business hours. Not sure why or if it's even remotely like that. Boston maybe? But that just doesn't seem like my scene. I feel like I'd be surrounded by smarty pants. lol.. So I guess with everything I wrote Nashville seems like my top choice. NY/NJ is also good though, but that's if I don't leave.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:24:05 GMT

I'm actually pretty shallow initially. I do judge a book by it's cover. That's always my first (re)action. But then my sense kicks in and I remind myself that there's more to that person and I look for more. I give them a chance. But I'm shallow. Superficial. I can't help it. Can you?

That I would be good...

I wish I could be good.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:39:29 GMT

The anticipation is always worse than the actual thing. I feel better. Still sad, still scared. No.. worried actually, but I'm okay.

-

I had a dream. I was soooo tempted to take a personal day and go back to sleep so I could finish it. I hadn't had such a nice dream in a long time. I think after watching New Moon last night, it gave me a hunger for drama. lol

I don't think I'd have a problem being stuck in a dream world. Bring on the good, bring on the bad. At least it's exciting and something's always happening. Anything can happen!

The dream is pretty fresh in my mind. Maybe when I go home I'll take a nap and try to resume the dream. haha.. I'm serious!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 04:55:07 GMT

I feel like I'm caught in a blur.

Life's a blur.

Tomorrow is a blur. Today was a blur. Yesterday was a blur of events.

Life's a blur. The future seems like more of a blur now than it did only a few days ago.

BLUR.

What's going to happen now? What's important? In the long run I know we'll be okay, but for now.. I don't know what to feel. I'm feeling everything.

I think it almost makes me feel sick.. or like I want to be sick. Stay at home all day alone and feel depressed... like I did today.

Yesterday was lovely though. I had so much fun and loved everyone being together. I am very thankful. :)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:05:09 GMT

First: Happy Thanksgiving!

Second: I am extremely pooped. Cooking is tiring. Props to mom for all her years of cooking for us. Been cooking for about 4-5 hours straight, and I didn't even do much. I'm such a newbie. lol.. All I did was make a sausage/chestnut stuffing.. rice krispies.. wash dishes.. prep the turkey and put it in the oven. My feet are killing me.

Third: I had a horrible night of sleep. I don't even know if I really slept. I had Grace & Jack's unity candle song running though my head and I just kept thinking about cooking today and everything I need to do and... yeah... it was just crazy. My mind just wouldn't stop. Neurons just kept firing and I had no control over it. It wouldn't stop. I even woke up before my alarm. At first I wasn't sure and I didn't want to get up to check the time, but eventually I did and I still had at least an hour longer to sleep. -_-

I think I'm going to try to take a nap before I have to get up and put in the duck, acorn squash and sweet potatoes.

Looking forward to seeing everyone together tonight though. First Thanksgiving with 4 generations of Shyrs. Joanne's first. :)
Ryan and Issachar's as well, but unfortunately they're still out in L.A. and Kansas City.

AHHH!!! I can't wait for Christmas already!! For many reasons... ;D

Have a good one y'all!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:31:21 GMT

Ever feel like you're "poison" to a group, a cause, a team, a ministry? Like they're better off without you? And it's not self-pity and just lack of self-confidence or whatnot. It's just how it is. I don't know what it is. A vibe maybe? Like you can't see things going right with you there, or not as well as it could go without you there. And it doesn't really have much to do with your lack of ability or whatever it is. You're not necessarily doing anything wrong, but you just don't seem to work with the rest of the team chemistry.

Again, I'm totally not saying you are no good to the team because you could be helpful, but in the big picture.. you might be somehow hindering the group from reaching it's full potential simply because you don't really belong there. You're not "supposed" to be there. Other people in the team might not see it, or they do, and they'll say how helpful or useful you were and how you are always welcomed or whatever, but deep down you just know.. you're not meant to.

I think it's really just all about "chemistry", whatever that means. You either have it or you don't. There's nothing to fight, nothing to fix.

I think that's how I feel about AWANA. I don't know what happened. I love the program, I really do. I love the kids, I really do. I'm just not feeling the chemistry there and... I'm happy I left indefinitely for the time being. In a way it feels like a blessing for both myself and them. It seems like things are going really well for them, and I'm certainly not feeling as stuck, stressed out and trapped. It can seem like a negative thing, me leaving, but I think it was a very positive decision I made. No regrets. I'm so happy AWANA is going well. :)

Anyway, that was just a thought I had while looking at some AWANA Thanksgiving pictures. I've felt like this a couple other times with other things, be it ministries or something as stupid as teams playing a board game or sports or something. I don't understand it, but I think I really believe in it.

-

In other news, I spent today at work helping put up a Christmas tree in our department, cutting out snowflakes and.. prayer meeting. That was really my day. I might have spent an hour tops doing actual work. December is really coming around soon at The Salvation Army! Parties and food. December is the best time of year to be working here. lol