I'm probably not supposed to do this as it might be.. illegal, but I'm working on a devotional book that we are trying to get to the printers ASAP because the author and his wife both have cancer and the Lord is probably going to take her soon.

As I was putting together the book, not even really reading the words I'm copying and pasting into InDesign and styling, for whatever reason I stopped to read a quote and it just.. blew my mind. I'll paste the whole devotional, but what caught my eye I will put in bold. It's at the end.

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Forgive, Already
By D.E.C.

This forgiveness thing. It is so easy to want it for ourselves and so hard at times to give to others. It’s not only Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown and company, and every court in the land, but also many, (if not all) ministers who have to deal with people who will not forgive others. Unforgiveness tears up families, churches, communities, and organizations.

Forgiving doesn’t necessarily get easier as you get older nor as you achieve position. Years ago a high–ranking minister confessed to me, “I can never forgive that man for what he did to my husband and me.”

The desire for revenge usually rides along with unforgiveness. But we should resist the impulse to give in to that desire, “for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

“Some offenses are easy to forgive; some are just too severe to be forgiven!” We have all heard this excuse in one form or another. And we all know that although God not only forgives but also forgets sin, very few humans, even those of us who name ourselves as Christians, seem able to “forgive and forget.”

But we are told we must forgive. Our own forgiveness depends on whether we forgive others. Can we forgive family, enemies, other church members, leaders, people who have betrayed our trust?

Examples? How about Jesus in agony on the Cross: “ ’Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing’ ” (Luke 23:34). Or Stephen as he was stoned to death: “ ’Lord, do not hold this sin against them’ ” (Acts 7:60).

Ken Gire, in Reflections on the Word, tells of a prayer found on a scrap of paper beside a dead child in Ravensbrück death camp, where 92,000 women and children died during World War II.

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How profound and amazing is that?
 

So, I've finally somewhat officially left AWANA... indefinitely. I think it was the right decision for the time being. My heart's still there though. I hope I can help out whenever I can, but I definitely don't think I should have kids for handbook time, although I wouldn't mind if I were free and a sub was needed. Since I'm not able to be consistent, it wouldn't be fair to my girls. They're better off having a more consistent leader.

I'll leave it at that for now. May or may not elaborate later. Had a possible close call with a tick. May or may not elaborate later too. It's been a long day and a long weekend. Need to get some sleep.

I think one of the worst feelings in the world is to feel out of sync with someone you care about and respect, no matter how little the discrepancy.