January 8, 2012

• Wow. I haven't xanga'd in a while.

  Praise Night 2012. January 7, 2012. Wow.

  God. Is. Good.

  It never gets old. In fact it almost seems new every time. God is good! Wow!

  God is gracious. For real. Thank God for being gracious. In our weakness... His beauty shines through. I may be the weak one, but I find joy in seeing Him glorified despite that.

  So... too tired to do a whole recap, but basically I've been sick for almost a week now. Woke up this morning. Could not believe it was Praise Night day! Still didn't get my voice back. I felt so unprepared... as usual. Final run throughs started late (as usual too) and ended up only going through the first song of my set before we had to pray together with everyone. Prayer was good. Needed that. Wish we had more time to pray, but again.. God is good nevertheless.

  There were a few things I saw that I found discouraging, but the feeling did not last long. God redeemed it all. There wasn't as many people as I expected, BUT I KNOW that those were there, were supposed to be there and needed to be there for whatever reason. I didn't get to run through my entire set and I couldn't sing or hear 100%, BUT I know that at least I was blessed during worship. I had to leave for a short while to move my car for someone during the second message, BUT it was for someone I was glad stayed for as much of the night as he could before he had to leave. Everything happens for a reason. It was designed intentionally by a good God.

  After the night ended, I kind of wished things weren't as scattered and hectic. I did hope my hearing and voice would go back to normal. It is pretty frustrating. But it is what it is for whatever reason. Didn't get to talk to too many people afterward, but I was glad to see people were mingling and getting to know new people. I think what I longed for was a debriefing of sorts. I wanted to keep talking to people. See what, if anything, changed for people.

  For me..

  Jimmy's message was a reminder.. the first part at least.. of the commitment I made a few months ago. The decision to surrender this life, my life, to Him and for Him to use it any way He wants. For me to be obedient and willing to follow. I surrendered and saw God do things I didn't expect or imagine. And then? And then I got distracted. I lost focus.

  2012. I pray for less of me, and more of Him. Less of my will, more of His. 2012. It's not about me.

  I need to pray for a more clear vision, direction and calling. I know where I will find my joy. I've had a glimpse. Just having trouble getting back there and on a more permanent basis.

  Things that stuck out to me: Jimmy helped me more easily grasp the reality of what is and what is to come. I knew it in my head, but never really... grasped it. Now I have a better.. well.. grasp. The physical reality of "The Day of the Lord" is just... wow. 

  I think my biggest dilemma is trying to figure out how to realistically balance the meaningless things with the meaningful ones. Striving after things that are meaningful as much as you can? Yes. But never do anything meaningless? Unrealistic, no? How do you know how much meaningless stuff is too much?

  Blah. So tired. Just writing whatever. No order. Just writing whatever comes to mind.. and right now my mind is shutting down. There are a lot of things on my mind to think about though. When I have more energy... maybe... maybe not... I will write something that makes more sense and less ambiguous.

  • 1:43 am
  • 1 Comment