Today I went to a conference/teaching type event thing at Felix's church. It was about deliverance from evil spirits, but touched on prophesying, and hearing God. What stuck out to me the most was the end though when Kathryn prayed for me. I needed to be freed from a past sin that was haunting me and manifesting itself over and over again every once in a while. She also gave me a word. She kept praying over my feet. She saw that I've been walking a rocky, hurtful path and my feet have been cut, bleeding and worn by this path. She prayed/saw angels coming to pick me up. They bandaged my foot and were instead carrying me. They set my foot up on this white, fluffy garment. They carried me to the right path that was clean and she said my feet were the feet of an evangelist and a missionary. She said God would use me in that way.

I pray for boldness. Still and again. I need to move onto the next step. I've been praying about what "full-time ministry" means for me and my life because I feel like that's what I'm being called to. I just don't know what that means and what that will look like. Kathryn pointed me to someone though and hopefully I will be able to get in contact with her. She said that it sounded like we would have a lot in common and could possibly partner with one another. She saw that I needed someone to walk with. That I was missing a companion, a partner in ministry who was walking a similar path.

I need to pray.

I need to do some kind of fast.

I can't wait till I can really let go and let God take over and use me, use my life for more than what I can do with it myself. I desire more than the world can offer. I want to seek out the treasures.

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I could be wrong, but I think this is going to be my last "normal" year. After this year... it'll really be time to move on to the next phase of my life.

I don't know why I feel so alone. It's this new thing. It's my pursuit of something new. I feel like I'm headed in a different direction and away from people. It's hard not having that one person, that one that you are on the same page with, whether it be another sister or a potential spouse. I feel lost and yet.. not. Like I feel like I know where I'm trying to go, but the path there is just so new and different. I don't know how to word it. I don't know why such a pursuit isn't more.. joyful though. I'm excited, but at the same time, why is it so.. sad?

I've been so vague about things lately. I don't know why. I don't know why I can't elaborate. It's not that I don't want to. I just don't know how or can't. I don't have the words, I don't know what to say. I don't think anyone buy God can understand or get what I'm feeling. It's nothing horrible or awesome, but it's just a feeling.. it's a thing... that I don't know how to share.

I'm in a funk. Nothing dramatic happening, nothing noteworthy and barely blog worthy... but I think I'm in a funk nonetheless. I feel like everyone around me has something big going on in their lives and I'm just... blah. Just there with my blah life. I know I'm blessed. I feel blessed. I'm thankful even, but for whatever reason it makes me feel alone.