June 1, 2010
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Ugh, back home and back to reality. Back to work tomorrow, back to the same old routine. I feel like a different person just being back here, or I guess the same person as before I left. Ahh... me no likey. Especially this crazy humidity. I'm sweating so much. Yuck. Yes, it's putting me in a whiny, complaining mood. lol
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Now THIS is insanity.
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I feel like I need to re-evaluate my life. I need to some how reset. I don't think it's possible though. Not fully, anyway. I think I desperately just want change. Something big. I don't think I care what it is, but obviously change for better or at least just something different that isn't necessarily better or worse.
There's something I want to say, but I'm afraid to say because it goes against a lot of how I think, feel and believe in. I really feel like I'm hitting a point in my life where... yeah, I guess it's this re-evaluating my life thing. I think it's part of it.
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I keep coming back to this entry and adding stuff. I think I'm kinda going through a quarter life crisis type deal. I'm wondering if the life I've lived has been.. worth it. I mean I know I've been very blessed, but I'm wondering if I could have lived it better, and I know I could've. Maybe "worth it" isn't the right phrasing. I guess I'm wondering if I should live it differently. I wouldn't know how or where to start, but I dunno... yeah... change.
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1:24 am
I should really go to sleep. Work tomorrow. I can't believe it!! I dunno if it's because I'm on Cali time. Still unwinding perhaps. Picked up my guitar for a little while just before. I came up with 2 chord progressions/melodies and some brief, rough lyrics that just came out. I think I just missed music and my guitar in general while being away. I hope I wake up on time tomorrow. lol..
I think as shy and uncertain I am about these songs I'm writing, I'm hoping I will eventually have about a dozen completed songs I'm happy with and perhaps one day record as professionally as possible. Even if only for myself to feel like I've accomplished something that really means a lot to me, something I can take out when I'm old and gray and be like... "wow.. it's not much, but I actually made that myself!" I know they're very simple and really immature? novice? plain? songs.. but it's something. It's a start and I think something I can be proud and embarrassed of at the same time. haha
On a completely unrelated note, I have so much to catch up on. What's new? But even more so now. And my room is a disaster from when I was packing for LA and now unpacking after returning from LA. Need to do a major clean up, attempt to simplify my room and then maybe my life as well.
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