Thursday, 09 July 2009

  • The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss. - Thomas Carlyle

    I concur. Personally, I think it's the worst kind of torture.

    UPDATE: I just read what I wrote again and I don't really believe it's the worst kind of non-physical torture, but it is still up there.

  • Truth: I don't have the guts. Now, truth, set me free?
     

Wednesday, 08 July 2009

Tuesday, 07 July 2009

  • I remember what my dream was about! Sort of...

    As I was climbing into bed last night glimpses of my dream flashed back. It wasn't a wedding... I was pregnant! I don't think I was married yet or.. I dunno, but I think we (don't remember who "we" is) were trying to keep it hush hush. I was so happy though and excited. Thinking about it now is actually making me tear a little. I really want a baby. haha.. like I was telling Connie the other day.. I think if I had to choose between a husband and a child, I'd pick a child. I want to actually give birth though.. so I don't know how that would work.. but I guess I could adopt too. I mean I didn't give birth to Joanne, but I'm so in love with her.. I think I would give my life for hers if it ever came to that. Mattheson too. He's so cute. I want a kid!! haha... I think that's a big reason why I would want to get married. Aside from that... I think I'm starting to be okay with if I never get married. I just want to live life, married or not. Of course it'd be nice to go through life with a companion, but it's not necessary, it's not the only key to happiness even in the worldly sense.

    I would put my life on hold, put aside my own dreams and ambitions for a child. For a husband... I'm not so sure. He'll have to wait if he really wants to marry me, or at least understand and support me. haha.. I just say all this now though. It might change, but that's just how I feel today. :P
     

Monday, 06 July 2009

  • I've been having strange dreams. Dreams like I've never had before. I think last night I had a dream about.. getting married or my wedding day.. or planning my wedding or.. just being engaged. I really can't recall what happened, but I just know it had to do with that. I guess with Irene and Sung's wedding and all. I really loved their wedding and was soooo happy for them. :D

    The other dream I think I had last night or the night before was about a new version of Photoshop that just had a terrible redesign of the GUI. They were missing some buttons and in an attempt to look more futuristic and save space or something... seemingly got rid of a lot of fuctions.. or just forgot about them. The drop down menu lists were significantly shorter and I couldn't figure out how to create a layer mask!! I think I was sweating in my dream and super frustrated and panicky not being able to find it!! I think I was thinking about work. I use layer masks all the time and I don't know what I would do if I couldn't use it. lol

    I really wish I remember what the wedding dream was about. It was really interesting. That's all I remember about it. lol

    -

    Last week we had clean up day...

    This is my work space:



    This is my keyboard after cleaning it and deciding to mix it up:


     
  • In a world where money is the end all, be all... how fitting is it to have "In God We Trust" written on our currency? After all, when it comes to money.. many times that's exactly when we need that reminder.



    George would be shocked and disappointed with what has become of this country...



    Trusting in You is all I can do...

    I'm beginning to learn and understand more and more how important having wisdom in managing money is.. and yet at the same time how unimportant money really is in the grand scheme of things. Money just helps in getting by in this world... and life's more than about just getting by.
      

Sunday, 05 July 2009

  • I don't like this feeling. I don't want bitterness to grow. It's so tiny and microscopic right now, but I'm afraid it will continue to grow.

    I feel like a jerk. I feel like things just keep keeping me from going to Vineyard. I feel like it's been a month since I last went. I met people and attempted to get to know them, and then I disappear. I don't like this feeling either. Not knowing what people think about me. I care. I always have. Can't help it. Pleasing people as well. It's how I'm wired, but it's what really messes with my head and tears me apart. These are two things I wish I could change about myself. 

    I have so many weaknesses...
     

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • What would you do if one day you woke up and found out you had cancer?

    I think I would.. be shocked and sad at first, but then I think I'd live life pretty normally after, if not better. I guess it depends on the kind of cancer. If I can have surgery I'd do that, but I'm not sure I'd want to deal with chemo. Maybe it goes hand-in-hand with surgery though. I don't really know how all that works. I'll fight for a bit, but I won't spend my life fighting. When the ratio between fighting and living starts to become more fighting than living I'll stop fighting and just live till I die. Kind of a morbid entry topic, huh? I'm just thinking out "loud".

    I wish I knew how to live better now, how to live out louder than I am right now. I wish I knew how to live how He wants me to live. I wish there were a step-by-step instruction manual. I'd obey it to the "T". At least I think I would. I don't like these obscure, non-specific instructions. It leaves us with too much room for mistakes, faltering and second-guessing every decision.

Monday, 29 June 2009

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