Wednesday, 23 December 2009
-
Me: My heart is longing.
Others: My heart is sad.
God: My heart is Yours. I love You because You love me, but I'm afraid I just keep letting you down. I'm trying to become who I am, as one who's been saved by grace. Can't quite get there though. God, You're the only one who knows what I need.. and You're the only one who can find/get it for me. Help. I don't even know if I know what I think I need is really what I need. I want to have what I need. I try and try so hard to find it myself, but in turn I feel like I start losing myself in the process.
Sometimes I wonder if it's all just an endurance test.
Life. It's like a video game. Nothing in the actual game matters because it's not real, but what's real is how you play the game as the player. Are you the player that keeps playing until you make it through to the end? Are you a cheater? Or do you just give up? It's who you are as the player, your character. Once the game is over, everything goes away except for how you played the game, and how you left the game. You can try to rack up as many points as you can, but in the end what do those points get you? You can't do anything with them. So just play well.
Currently
Time To Grow
By The Lovell Sisters
see related
Thursday, 17 December 2009
-
I should've left my money in a CD even if the rate sucked. At least that way I wouldn't have as much money to feel like I can spend money. ><
The Kodak Zi8 was a Christmas present to myself. The stuff I just bought will be my birthday present to myself. lol... AHH!!! I seriously need help. Something's wrong with me. I think deep down I'm depressed. I might be eating and buying things to make myself feel better somehow. haha... AHH!! And I think I've already gained my holiday pounds.. and Christmas isn't even here yet! Getting fatter and about $350 poorer. Yay me... -_-
I really don't need anything for Christmas. Just love. Love each other. Sappy and cliche, but really... the world needs more love and less selfish people like me. This year I just feel so blessed that I feel like I can just buy whatever I need and want for myself. I mean it's always nice to get gifts, but I already have too much stuff and clutter, I don't need anything else. In fact, I just really need to get rid of stuff.
Although, I already have my Christmas present to myself for next year in mind. A Mac-top. Not sure which one yet, hence "Mac-top". I just know I want one. Most likely a MacBook Pro though. Size to be determined. I know I really don't need one though so I might not end up getting it. I've been wanting an iPod, but just never actually bought it. Just got a new battery for my Zen MicroPhoto and I'm completely content with it now. Still slow and sometimes freezes and whatnot, but ehh.. don't use it enough to justify another mp3 player. Maybe when the weather gets nicer though for when I go biking again. Still need to save up money for a hitch bike mount on my car too. Blah...
ANYHOO... enough of my materialistic side...
I can't wait to meet/see Issachar!! I'm scheduled for sometime before 3 on Saturday. haha.. Jimmy and Soo are gonna be busy visiting people probably the whole time they're back.
I can't wait!!! So apparently I've been using the term "second cousin" wrong all my life. I'm sorry if that in turn has caused you to also use it incorrectly. I've been using it to refer to cousins of cousins who are not direct cousins with me... BUT "second cousin" actually refers to your cousins' children, as in the second generation. Makes sense. Sounds funny to me still though after all these years of thinking it meant something else. Oh well...
[UPDATE] Apparently I got it wrong twice from assuming and apparently the people I assumed also had it wrong for the longest time.. and if two people both gave me the same answer I'm sure a lot of othe rpeople also have it wrong. ANYWAY. Jojo, Ryan, and Issachar are my cousins once removed, not my second cousins. However, Jojo and Issachar are second cousins to Ryan and vice versa. Read comments for more information.[/UPDATE]
So two of my second cousins finally meet for the first time outside of their mommy's wombs. haha.. I wish I was there to witness such a momentous occasion! At least I still have Christmas when all 3 of my second cousins will be together!! :D
You know what? Second cousin or not, I still consider them my niece and nephews and I their aunt so whatever. Why do we need to get technical? :P
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
-
I don't know why I'm writing about this or why it even came to mind. Maybe because my uncle's birthday was yesterday and it got me thinking about cakes.
My mom and I think many people know I love red velvet. I think I need to make a distinction though. I love red velvet cup/cakes, I love trying them and I'm still looking for the best one out there, but I don't think I would want one for my birthday cake 'cause it usually makes me feel gross afterward, especially if it's not made well. In general they're pretty heavy though. For a while I was so sure I wanted a red velvet wedding cake, but now.. what cake I would love for any special occasion? Something from Yeh's Bakery in Flushing. Best tasting, lightest, fluffiest cakes ever. I'm not a big fan of Chinese cakes, but Yeh's is probably the only exception. So far my favorite is strawberry. I've heard the green tea is good, but I don't know if I've had it. I want to try all of them though. Not sure if they have, but I love taro and chestnut fillings too. Man.. I'm craving... lol
-
Uhh... yeah, I definitely want to be married one day. I want a marriage. Not just a wedding. He made me with this desire. I might be 27 or I might be 72, but I pray it's in His plan for me one day. Sooner rather than later would be nice though.
I want someone to love me (who's not God--for you wise butts out there). :P
-
I have 2 new songs in progress and a couple of tunes I have yet to revisit and put words to. Though I have written other songs in the past, I will consider my last song my first official song for the purposes of referencing them here. Song #2 is coming along rather nicely I think. I think it's more catchy than the first. I only have one verse and one chorus to it so far though. I'm excited about this one 'cause I catch myself singing the tune in my head throughout the day. Perhaps one day it might be stuck in someone else's head. :)
I find lyrics difficult. I'm too critical of my word choices. I look too much at structure and trying to force it to flow instead of just writing from my heart.
Monday, 14 December 2009
-
Dangerous ground.
Danger ground.
Sunday, 13 December 2009
-
I don't know where I'm going.
Saturday, 12 December 2009
-
I got to thinking about how bad I need to clean my room. I think a possible solution is renting a storage space for a year and "throw everything out". I'll pack up everything I don't need right now and put it in storage, and then for a year I can go back and get anything I might end up needing. By the end of the year if anything is left, I'll throw it out for real. Honestly I don't have that much stuff that I would need to rent a storage space, but I just feel like if I stored it in the house somewhere, I'm just going to forget about it anyway. I don't know though. I really have too much stuff in my room right now though.
-
This cold weather makes me want to stay a couch potato forever. Eat, sleep, watch TV.
-
I need to get out of my own little world and head space.
I can't stand knowing or even just thinking someone might be upset with me. I can't stand it. It's a selfish reason really. It's because I can't stand the thought of someone being upset with me. How could I upset someone? Even if not intentionally. That's such a horrible feeling to feel responsible for someone else's upset-ness. If I ever upset you... I truly am sorry. Sometimes I have no clue. Sometimes I feel guilty even if I'm wrong and no one's really upset with me. But I'm sorry either way.
AHHHH... sometimes I'm just sorry for being me. Sometimes I hate myself. I can't stand who I am.
Times like this.. I miss talking to you, old friend. You always somehow made things feel better. I wish we could talk like we used to. Sometimes I'm tempted to say hello and just chat, but I don't think I could go back there. Hope you're well and know I still care. You probably don't even know I'm talking about you.. thinking about you.. missing you.
Wednesday, 09 December 2009
-
Testing out the lenses for my Kodak Zi8. I'm pretty happy for the most part. Telephoto lens were a little disappointing, but I guess it could be used for effect. I love the fish-eye and the macro though.
Facebook embedding quality sucks. Better to watch the HD on Facebook if you want.
azngodluva
-
- Name: karena
- Birthday: 4/3/1986
- Member Since: 2/5/2002
-
Lifetime
Pulse
-
Somebody save me. I'm a hazard to myself.
-
"Prayer does not change God, but changes him who prays." —Soren Kierkegaard
-
I find it hard to be patient about certain things...
